I didn't grow up MAGA, I grew up Project 2025...back when it was project 1980-90something. Absolutely nothing that currently happening shocks me. I understand why people who are stunned by this current administration are talking to its leaders in a "I need to understand your thought processes" way. But also, there's a whole lot of us who were raised in it and left who can have a faaaaaarrrrr better conversation without gaslighting anyone. Sometimes I think I'm being harsh and should spend more time listening to the Right - and then I remember that I gave them over thirty years of my life and I can recite their propaganda better than they can. I'm better off not giving them any of my time.
Well said. That was the catalyst for this piece, realizing that wait a minute, I've heard this MAGA nonsense my entire life. It's just in a different frequency now. They've gotten pretty good at pitching it to "moderates," and I think that's the real innovation over the last 10-20 years, learning to couch their hate in halfway reasonable propositions and manipulate the Overton window.
I like this piece because it calls out librul pearl clutching as the waste of breath that it is. Don’t try to understand ugly; it’s not often comprehensible and you will get knocked on your ass if you take your eye off the ball. I can engage with acts of loving kindness towards my fellow human beings without for one moment believing they are justified in their hate.
Have had many similiar experiences with my now very distant family in Magassippi and Talabama. Once you finally pass the point of no return with them and break off all ties, your quality of life will improve drastically. They were trying to pull me into a deranged hate based cult by attempting to hide their true motives masked by religion.
Any person that is a real Christian can see right through this sad charade. Thinking this has been going on in the South for generations, MAGA is merely a natural add-on to it...
I don't think I grew up MAGA, but I definitely grew up Conservative or adjacent and can hit all the common talking political opinions. Then I've hung out in churches that even my family thought was too extreme, because of my friends growing up, but we never went to church. You can't wear shorts or skirts above the knee, jeans are discouraged for women, and everyone goes to Crown College or gets married before the age of 25, my family is gonna go to Hell because we're not saved etc. I'm just commenting this to illustrate that this was a very relatable piece.
I also argue with my family about different policies. their views, etc. I don't know if it's changing any minds and is probably just a waste of time, but they hear me out at the very least. which is nice.
That’s really amazing you feel safe to have conversations with them about your POV. I’ve tried and have never succeeded in feeling like I’ve had a meaningful interaction. What works for you?
I’ve thought about how to answer this and I think it depends on what your family and/or cultural context was like growing up. My family is white, rural, and Midwestern, so pretty generic conservative.
I learned that ranting and raving or making comments like rescinding dei initiatives is dei for white people aren’t effective. What helped the most was explaining things from a historical or scientific basis, and expanding upon that. One of my family members believes in climate change but not that it’s human caused, so explaining the Industrial Revolution and how that process led to increased co2 emissions turned into larger conversations about the biodiversity crisis and everything else. Same thing with conversations on systemic racism.
Localizing issues also helps, like how Medicaid cuts might affect family members. Mostly though, it was a long and drawn out process of repeating the same talking points until they came true. Also letting them ask questions and draw their own conclusions from the info also helps.
Thanks for writing this article. I grew up in rural PA and our family never fit in and I was anxious to leave. Now I have a better understanding of why. Our family liked to read and listen to classical music, we valued education and travel, my parents insisted we use correct grammar but my dad was a Catholic and Italian so we were called dirty Wops. I am forever grateful to my parents for my liberal upbringing in a MAGA wasteland.
Since I believe people should have the right to make choices about their own bodies and lives, healthcare for all, free education, free childcare, taxing the rich, climate change, getting money out of politics, ethics rules for the US supreme court, sensible gun control, and a strong safety net for struggling people, I think I am considered a leftist.
What I have learned over my life is, that there are times when the “middle ground” is just not appropriate.
Same. I was raised on Christian radio, Rush Limbaugh, Reagan worship, and sermons that made you feel dirty for even thinking about evolution. But even as a kid, I remember sitting there like—wait, why are we so scared of science? Of the truth? Of telling the real history?
I wasn’t trying to rebel. I just didn’t understand the willful (hateful) ignorance.
I still don’t get how my parents never asked those questions. That curious, questioning part of them? Snuffed out. Laid to rest on the altar of deaf and blind obedience.
I went to Catholic school and was in the principal’s office at least once a week. Asking clarifying questions was “sass” or “backtalk”. Like, if you’re telling me to believe something wouldn’t you want me to understand it? (Trick question and the answer is no.)
They don’t want you asking questions, because their whole belief system is essentially a Forever 21 sweater from the clearance rack—one curious tug and the whole thing falls apart.
I'm trying to get my head around this. I didn't grow up MAGA, and this piece has opened my eyes.
I was thinking much of the cruelty and rage was keyboard warrior stuff that was all talk. I thought , when face to face with a disparaged person hurting, the MAGA Christian would separate from the hate and try to help. I can see I was wrong and it breaks my heart. I don't like where we are as a society. I don't see redemption.
I used to think so too. Then I found Mein Kempf next to my parents’ bedside. I knew this went deeper than just believing the Fox News bs. My mom, who was a teacher, runs a food pantry, had studied to be a catholic nun actually said to me recently that we needed to have slavery ( in the past). “Who would have worked the farms?” she asked me. No clue! I see these concentration camps being planned and think to myself…sh*t. We are in deep, deep trouble.
Same here, with the exception of my dear, sweet grandmother who openly supported George Wallace (before he was shot), and flinched whenever a black person was within her eyesight. But she and her ideas are long dead, and I have comforted myself that perhaps her viewpoints were just outdated. Obviously I have been naive. How to get shed of a MAGA family? Leave and don’t look back! But now, how to get shed of a MAGA country?
So in a country full of un-redeemables, how do we move forward? So in a family of un-reconcilables how did you escape? Why did you go into teaching? To me, you are the redeemed. You are why it’s worth reaching into MAGA country. The children are the reason we can’t just write off our countrymen lost in ignorance and bereft of the will to change. Even if it’s 1 in 10 or 3 in 100 that can open their minds and leave hate behind, they are there waiting for someone to show them the light.
It's a good point. I think Democrats have missed a lot of opportunities to go forward. Zohran Mamdani looks like the way forward for me, and Democrats need to ditch their corporate donors and go full progressive. Although I don't know if you can win the hearts and minds of MAGA, you can definitely tamp a lot of their influence by actually combating poverty, disease, etc. It also would've been great if, via Sarah Kendzior's arguments, we had actually expedited Trump's trial and put fascist traitors behind bars.
This is a great article. I grew up in a progressive family and have believed MAGAs are irredeemable and you put real life context around it.
As a 67 year old, the only way I see forward for Democrats is through new candidates who inspire young people. Mandani is one example but there are others. I am a big fan of Mallory McMorrow, running for Senate in Michigan. She also brings authentic, grass roots energy.
Finally, I love your writing and passion. I’m upgrading to paid to show my appreciation! Thank you for putting words to this shit show we all live in. 👍☮️
So, I am done with that. As it happens, grief gets everyone nowhere, in this case. It becomes transformed in a way that aligns with my "why". Why would I resist the Chaos? Why rage against the machine? Why even attempt to reason with someone unreasonable by their very incapacity to change their mind, even with firm evidence?
Well, it's hope. It's all we have. Yet, that is actionable. It is actually impenetrable. There is this one quote by Marcus Aurelius: "When you wake up in the morning, tell yourself: the people I deal with today will be meddling, ungrateful, arrogant, dishonest, jealous, and surly. They are like this because they can't tell good from evil." It's a way to realize that it 'is what it is', and that it's not in my jurisdiction to try to change that. I cannot control that.
What I can control is what comes out of my mouth. If Anais Nin is correct, and I do not see the world as it is, but instead as I am, then I need to relax. Perhaps I can find a way to build a better mousetrap and provide a model that benefits everyone.
"when they come to you and say they’re not all like that, they’re just misunderstood, they just need you to listen to them, they’re full of it. They’re playing on your sympathies. They’re doing what MAGA has been doing since the 90s, before they were known as MAGA. They’re asking you to tolerate their intolerance, to respect their racism, to give their bigotry an audience."
I grew up southern but not MAGA thank heaven. I do have relatives that drink the kool aid though. That, and your piece confirm my suspicion that many MAGA people are just not quite right to start with, for whatever reason.
I think mental illness is far more common in society than people realize, a lot of it is driven by capitalism, and Trump/Murdoch definitely exploit it.
As someone who left teaching for better financial prospects (in 1970's no less--it's such an old problem), I'm very attuned to your perspective. I also appreciate good writing. I have long felt that some day our complete devaluation of education would reap a whirlwind of ignorance, as is so evident now. But this is purposeful ignorance, the kind that bites off its nose to spite its face so long as it riles the libs. And as you note, many ot these MAGAs who come to the table with already fully formed prejudices have chosen their path. They aren't driven by life experiences. They are political wax for the likes of Rush Limbaugh and FOX. People like you must resist and overcome Trumplandia before we lose our planet. This is not a test.
My wife’s father is from eastern Oklahoma…MAGA country long before MAGA was a thing. My wife and I visited him there back in the mid-90s. Yep, he took us to church with him…Bible study before the service, then the service. Neither my wife nor I ever attended church. It was certainly an experience. Years later, her father was shocked that we didn’t vote for trump. He’s an Air Force veteran, as are both me and my wife, and he told us that he just assumed we supported Trump and maga. And even though I was born in and grew up in Southern California, my father and much of his family, including my cousins, were maga before it was a thing and are hard core maga now. Dad died in 1996 of the same brain cancer that got Ted Kennedy and John McCain (funny how bipartisan cancer is), and struggled financially because he didn’t have health insurance, but had he lived, he would have been on board the trump train. He listened to Limbaugh religiously throughout the 1990s, and reveled in his misogyny and racism. I helped to organize a family reunion back in 2012, and I’m glad that happened then because I’ll likely not see any of those relatives ever again. It’s sad, because some of those cousins were like brothers to me growing up, but I can’t be around racists.
You write very well. This is painful family stuff to talk about; I hope that putting your feelings and words out there for all of us helps.
I feel that the hatred inside MAGA is borne of deep insecurity about one’s self. They are unable to raise themselves up, so driving the “other” down is their only way to survive.
I wish you the best, and admire you for your courage and talents. Keep teaching the children; maybe they will save us from destruction.
I didn't grow up MAGA, I grew up Project 2025...back when it was project 1980-90something. Absolutely nothing that currently happening shocks me. I understand why people who are stunned by this current administration are talking to its leaders in a "I need to understand your thought processes" way. But also, there's a whole lot of us who were raised in it and left who can have a faaaaaarrrrr better conversation without gaslighting anyone. Sometimes I think I'm being harsh and should spend more time listening to the Right - and then I remember that I gave them over thirty years of my life and I can recite their propaganda better than they can. I'm better off not giving them any of my time.
Well said. That was the catalyst for this piece, realizing that wait a minute, I've heard this MAGA nonsense my entire life. It's just in a different frequency now. They've gotten pretty good at pitching it to "moderates," and I think that's the real innovation over the last 10-20 years, learning to couch their hate in halfway reasonable propositions and manipulate the Overton window.
MAGA is the latest avatar of white supremacy.
I like this piece because it calls out librul pearl clutching as the waste of breath that it is. Don’t try to understand ugly; it’s not often comprehensible and you will get knocked on your ass if you take your eye off the ball. I can engage with acts of loving kindness towards my fellow human beings without for one moment believing they are justified in their hate.
Have had many similiar experiences with my now very distant family in Magassippi and Talabama. Once you finally pass the point of no return with them and break off all ties, your quality of life will improve drastically. They were trying to pull me into a deranged hate based cult by attempting to hide their true motives masked by religion.
Any person that is a real Christian can see right through this sad charade. Thinking this has been going on in the South for generations, MAGA is merely a natural add-on to it...
I don't think I grew up MAGA, but I definitely grew up Conservative or adjacent and can hit all the common talking political opinions. Then I've hung out in churches that even my family thought was too extreme, because of my friends growing up, but we never went to church. You can't wear shorts or skirts above the knee, jeans are discouraged for women, and everyone goes to Crown College or gets married before the age of 25, my family is gonna go to Hell because we're not saved etc. I'm just commenting this to illustrate that this was a very relatable piece.
I also argue with my family about different policies. their views, etc. I don't know if it's changing any minds and is probably just a waste of time, but they hear me out at the very least. which is nice.
Yeah, that sounds pretty adjacent. I'm glad it's relatable. So many things went wrong over the last 20 years, and this was one of them.
That’s really amazing you feel safe to have conversations with them about your POV. I’ve tried and have never succeeded in feeling like I’ve had a meaningful interaction. What works for you?
I’ve thought about how to answer this and I think it depends on what your family and/or cultural context was like growing up. My family is white, rural, and Midwestern, so pretty generic conservative.
I learned that ranting and raving or making comments like rescinding dei initiatives is dei for white people aren’t effective. What helped the most was explaining things from a historical or scientific basis, and expanding upon that. One of my family members believes in climate change but not that it’s human caused, so explaining the Industrial Revolution and how that process led to increased co2 emissions turned into larger conversations about the biodiversity crisis and everything else. Same thing with conversations on systemic racism.
Localizing issues also helps, like how Medicaid cuts might affect family members. Mostly though, it was a long and drawn out process of repeating the same talking points until they came true. Also letting them ask questions and draw their own conclusions from the info also helps.
Thanks for writing this article. I grew up in rural PA and our family never fit in and I was anxious to leave. Now I have a better understanding of why. Our family liked to read and listen to classical music, we valued education and travel, my parents insisted we use correct grammar but my dad was a Catholic and Italian so we were called dirty Wops. I am forever grateful to my parents for my liberal upbringing in a MAGA wasteland.
Since I believe people should have the right to make choices about their own bodies and lives, healthcare for all, free education, free childcare, taxing the rich, climate change, getting money out of politics, ethics rules for the US supreme court, sensible gun control, and a strong safety net for struggling people, I think I am considered a leftist.
What I have learned over my life is, that there are times when the “middle ground” is just not appropriate.
You do not find middle ground with:
Rapists,
racists,
misogynists,
psychopaths,
liars,
white supremacists,
nazis,
abusers,
users,
cheaters,
bullies,
the greedy,
religious fanatics,
and any other nasty piece of shit.
Stand your ground for what is right.
Great piece. Thanks for writing this!
Same. I was raised on Christian radio, Rush Limbaugh, Reagan worship, and sermons that made you feel dirty for even thinking about evolution. But even as a kid, I remember sitting there like—wait, why are we so scared of science? Of the truth? Of telling the real history?
I wasn’t trying to rebel. I just didn’t understand the willful (hateful) ignorance.
I still don’t get how my parents never asked those questions. That curious, questioning part of them? Snuffed out. Laid to rest on the altar of deaf and blind obedience.
I went to Catholic school and was in the principal’s office at least once a week. Asking clarifying questions was “sass” or “backtalk”. Like, if you’re telling me to believe something wouldn’t you want me to understand it? (Trick question and the answer is no.)
They don’t want you asking questions, because their whole belief system is essentially a Forever 21 sweater from the clearance rack—one curious tug and the whole thing falls apart.
I'm trying to get my head around this. I didn't grow up MAGA, and this piece has opened my eyes.
I was thinking much of the cruelty and rage was keyboard warrior stuff that was all talk. I thought , when face to face with a disparaged person hurting, the MAGA Christian would separate from the hate and try to help. I can see I was wrong and it breaks my heart. I don't like where we are as a society. I don't see redemption.
I used to think so too. Then I found Mein Kempf next to my parents’ bedside. I knew this went deeper than just believing the Fox News bs. My mom, who was a teacher, runs a food pantry, had studied to be a catholic nun actually said to me recently that we needed to have slavery ( in the past). “Who would have worked the farms?” she asked me. No clue! I see these concentration camps being planned and think to myself…sh*t. We are in deep, deep trouble.
Same here, with the exception of my dear, sweet grandmother who openly supported George Wallace (before he was shot), and flinched whenever a black person was within her eyesight. But she and her ideas are long dead, and I have comforted myself that perhaps her viewpoints were just outdated. Obviously I have been naive. How to get shed of a MAGA family? Leave and don’t look back! But now, how to get shed of a MAGA country?
So in a country full of un-redeemables, how do we move forward? So in a family of un-reconcilables how did you escape? Why did you go into teaching? To me, you are the redeemed. You are why it’s worth reaching into MAGA country. The children are the reason we can’t just write off our countrymen lost in ignorance and bereft of the will to change. Even if it’s 1 in 10 or 3 in 100 that can open their minds and leave hate behind, they are there waiting for someone to show them the light.
It's a good point. I think Democrats have missed a lot of opportunities to go forward. Zohran Mamdani looks like the way forward for me, and Democrats need to ditch their corporate donors and go full progressive. Although I don't know if you can win the hearts and minds of MAGA, you can definitely tamp a lot of their influence by actually combating poverty, disease, etc. It also would've been great if, via Sarah Kendzior's arguments, we had actually expedited Trump's trial and put fascist traitors behind bars.
This is a great article. I grew up in a progressive family and have believed MAGAs are irredeemable and you put real life context around it.
As a 67 year old, the only way I see forward for Democrats is through new candidates who inspire young people. Mandani is one example but there are others. I am a big fan of Mallory McMorrow, running for Senate in Michigan. She also brings authentic, grass roots energy.
Finally, I love your writing and passion. I’m upgrading to paid to show my appreciation! Thank you for putting words to this shit show we all live in. 👍☮️
I’ll have more to comment when I stop grieving with you.
So, I am done with that. As it happens, grief gets everyone nowhere, in this case. It becomes transformed in a way that aligns with my "why". Why would I resist the Chaos? Why rage against the machine? Why even attempt to reason with someone unreasonable by their very incapacity to change their mind, even with firm evidence?
Well, it's hope. It's all we have. Yet, that is actionable. It is actually impenetrable. There is this one quote by Marcus Aurelius: "When you wake up in the morning, tell yourself: the people I deal with today will be meddling, ungrateful, arrogant, dishonest, jealous, and surly. They are like this because they can't tell good from evil." It's a way to realize that it 'is what it is', and that it's not in my jurisdiction to try to change that. I cannot control that.
What I can control is what comes out of my mouth. If Anais Nin is correct, and I do not see the world as it is, but instead as I am, then I need to relax. Perhaps I can find a way to build a better mousetrap and provide a model that benefits everyone.
Yeah, that is hope, and it's the great lever.
"when they come to you and say they’re not all like that, they’re just misunderstood, they just need you to listen to them, they’re full of it. They’re playing on your sympathies. They’re doing what MAGA has been doing since the 90s, before they were known as MAGA. They’re asking you to tolerate their intolerance, to respect their racism, to give their bigotry an audience."
Bingo.
Outstanding essay, thank you.
I grew up southern but not MAGA thank heaven. I do have relatives that drink the kool aid though. That, and your piece confirm my suspicion that many MAGA people are just not quite right to start with, for whatever reason.
I think mental illness is far more common in society than people realize, a lot of it is driven by capitalism, and Trump/Murdoch definitely exploit it.
And cognitive decline in an aging population doesn’t help.
As someone who left teaching for better financial prospects (in 1970's no less--it's such an old problem), I'm very attuned to your perspective. I also appreciate good writing. I have long felt that some day our complete devaluation of education would reap a whirlwind of ignorance, as is so evident now. But this is purposeful ignorance, the kind that bites off its nose to spite its face so long as it riles the libs. And as you note, many ot these MAGAs who come to the table with already fully formed prejudices have chosen their path. They aren't driven by life experiences. They are political wax for the likes of Rush Limbaugh and FOX. People like you must resist and overcome Trumplandia before we lose our planet. This is not a test.
My wife’s father is from eastern Oklahoma…MAGA country long before MAGA was a thing. My wife and I visited him there back in the mid-90s. Yep, he took us to church with him…Bible study before the service, then the service. Neither my wife nor I ever attended church. It was certainly an experience. Years later, her father was shocked that we didn’t vote for trump. He’s an Air Force veteran, as are both me and my wife, and he told us that he just assumed we supported Trump and maga. And even though I was born in and grew up in Southern California, my father and much of his family, including my cousins, were maga before it was a thing and are hard core maga now. Dad died in 1996 of the same brain cancer that got Ted Kennedy and John McCain (funny how bipartisan cancer is), and struggled financially because he didn’t have health insurance, but had he lived, he would have been on board the trump train. He listened to Limbaugh religiously throughout the 1990s, and reveled in his misogyny and racism. I helped to organize a family reunion back in 2012, and I’m glad that happened then because I’ll likely not see any of those relatives ever again. It’s sad, because some of those cousins were like brothers to me growing up, but I can’t be around racists.
You write very well. This is painful family stuff to talk about; I hope that putting your feelings and words out there for all of us helps.
I feel that the hatred inside MAGA is borne of deep insecurity about one’s self. They are unable to raise themselves up, so driving the “other” down is their only way to survive.
I wish you the best, and admire you for your courage and talents. Keep teaching the children; maybe they will save us from destruction.