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Kyle S.'s avatar

Thank you for this powerful and validating piece as we walk these halls of insanity. Recently, I have found myself yearning for an apology for everything that has happened that I have tried to warn loved ones about before it affected them. For many of us, this has been rinse and repeat for 2+ years. I know this apology will never come, but there is a place in my heart that needs it to ever have intimacy of relationship with so many ever again. That said, I know I will be waiting forever.

Those with Sentinel Intelligence would LOVE to be wrong about everything that we have said would happen, and continually has happened during this pandemic. We journal about that wish, we talk to our therapists about it, we wake up with the fantasy of having to apologize to everyone we know as a way of finally being about to move on from this nightmare. Egg on our face, all of it, gladly to erase what we know humanity is capable of, and provide an answer to how we’ll be able to trust our community again, our family, and what’s left of our friends.

As stated, this intense caring we carry is a curse. It is also, as stated, our superpower. Where we go from this point, I find to be the next biggest challenge in a sea of big challenges.

Ceasing to continue warnings about the perils ahead and currently with us seems unkind, but at what point is that constant outpouring effort being unreceived become not being kind to ourselves?  I’m not sure, but I also know that many of us would drop everything to help someone who really needs help navigating the current moment, however much they’ve been denying it along the way and have hurt us in their efforts. It’s what we do. Bravo, Cassandras.

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Thomas Ott's avatar

I never knew that there was a term for this, sentinel intelligence. I have a lot of that because I spend my time at work putting out fires before they ever start. Thanks!

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